Me "Girls can you believe in 10 weeks (at the time) we are going to have a little baby in this house!!??"
Allison "only maybe"
Me "What do you mean sweet girl?"
Allison "If they baby gets to stay"
Going shopping for a car seat
Allison "why are we here?"
Me "cause we have to have a car seat to bring the baby home from the hospital"
Allison "only if it doesn't die Mommy"
Me "Allison are you going to help Mommy with the baby when we bring it home?"
Allison "Mommy only if it gets to stay"
Me "Allison, the Dr. said that the baby looks really good and healthy, there is always a possibility I know, but I really feel this baby will get to come home with us"
Allison "that would be great Mommy"
Allison's prayer every night
"Lord, please let the baby's tests come back good (I have told her a thousand times they have), please let the baby be healthy, please let the baby breathe good, please let the baby come home so we can gather around it and love on the baby, It doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl, just please let it stay with us".
Friends, I love that her heart is so pure but it can be so difficult not to say to her, "Allison, the baby IS healthy, the baby WILL get to come home, the baby WILL get to stay with us" cause we all know that's a promise that I can't give her. It's heart breaking. I can not bring myself to tell her something so that she can begin to enjoy this experience fully, when I know there is the possibility that we may not get to keep this baby. The fear is so real at times, the peace is so real at times, the fear of not getting to keep any of my girls at times can be so overwhelming, that reality that has been made known to our family is so tough. But I have to tell myself almost daily that the devil wants us to live in fear, he is here to kill, steal and destroy. The devil does not want us to experice, joy, peace, pure love, hope.... all the things that comfort our hearts that comes from our Almighty, Powerful God. The reliance on Him for it all is essential with every aspect of our lives. With our kids, our marraiges, our finances, our jobs...God has us in the palm of his Almighty hand, he will never leave or forsake us. He wants us to have the pure joy that can only come from Him, not from anything of this world. It's there, it's free we just gotta keep on keepin' on, that's the challenge. He will work it all out, bring together the good for those us of that will let him.
Those are His promises and I believe them.
I pray that if you are struggling with anything in this trying time in America... health, jobs, money, children, depression, marraige stress, insurance, faith, lack of hope, not enough food, whatever it may be.... that you (we) will all just come back to the safety of His arms. Come back to the One who loves us so much that He gave His only begotton Son for us to experience the peace that surpasses ALL understanding!! It's real, I have and do feel it and when I don't, all I have to do is ask my Father.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the streamJeremiah 17:7,8
For those of you who are interested...the Extrememe Makeover Home Edition that we got to be a part of because of sweet Mary Grace airs Sunday March 1st...it's the Fort Worth Cowtown family. She was the photographer who took the amazing pictures of Mary Grace. Pray that God's part in it was unable to be edited out!!!