Friday, February 20, 2009

"IF it gets to stay Mommy"

Here is the dialog that I have been having mostly with my little Allison.

Me "Girls can you believe in 10 weeks (at the time) we are going to have a little baby in this house!!??"

Allison "only maybe"

Me "What do you mean sweet girl?"

Allison "If they baby gets to stay"

Going shopping for a car seat

Allison "why are we here?"

Me "cause we have to have a car seat to bring the baby home from the hospital"

Allison "only if it doesn't die Mommy"

another time

Me "Allison are you going to help Mommy with the baby when we bring it home?"

Allison "Mommy only if it gets to stay"

Me "Allison, the Dr. said that the baby looks really good and healthy, there is always a possibility I know, but I really feel this baby will get to come home with us"

Allison "that would be great Mommy"

Allison's prayer every night

"Lord, please let the baby's tests come back good (I have told her a thousand times they have), please let the baby be healthy, please let the baby breathe good, please let the baby come home so we can gather around it and love on the baby, It doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl, just please let it stay with us".

Friends, I love that her heart is so pure but it can be so difficult not to say to her, "Allison, the baby IS healthy, the baby WILL get to come home, the baby WILL get to stay with us" cause we all know that's a promise that I can't give her. It's heart breaking. I can not bring myself to tell her something so that she can begin to enjoy this experience fully, when I know there is the possibility that we may not get to keep this baby. The fear is so real at times, the peace is so real at times, the fear of not getting to keep any of my girls at times can be so overwhelming, that reality that has been made known to our family is so tough. But I have to tell myself almost daily that the devil wants us to live in fear, he is here to kill, steal and destroy. The devil does not want us to experice, joy, peace, pure love, hope.... all the things that comfort our hearts that comes from our Almighty, Powerful God. The reliance on Him for it all is essential with every aspect of our lives. With our kids, our marraiges, our finances, our jobs...God has us in the palm of his Almighty hand, he will never leave or forsake us. He wants us to have the pure joy that can only come from Him, not from anything of this world. It's there, it's free we just gotta keep on keepin' on, that's the challenge. He will work it all out, bring together the good for those us of that will let him.
Those are His promises and I believe them.

I pray that if you are struggling with anything in this trying time in America... health, jobs, money, children, depression, marraige stress, insurance, faith, lack of hope, not enough food, whatever it may be.... that you (we) will all just come back to the safety of His arms. Come back to the One who loves us so much that He gave His only begotton Son for us to experience the peace that surpasses ALL understanding!! It's real, I have and do feel it and when I don't, all I have to do is ask my Father.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream
Jeremiah 17:7,8

For those of you who are interested...the Extrememe Makeover Home Edition that we got to be a part of because of sweet Mary Grace airs Sunday March 1st...it's the Fort Worth Cowtown family. She was the photographer who took the amazing pictures of Mary Grace. Pray that God's part in it was unable to be edited out!!!

33 comments:

boltefamily said...

Thank you for sharing this Kim. We are having similar conversations at our home and it is tough. You are so right, we can't promise a healthy baby, but we CAN promise that it will be ok. That God will bring us through it and bring it around for our good. Thanks for this reminder! I SOOO wish we were closer! UGH! Love you and am always praying for new baby Summons and her amazing family!

Laurie in Ca. said...

Thank you for this beautiful and honest post Kim. I am praying for all of you girls facing these unknown promises that the Lord gives you peace and joy. I pray this for Kristy and Chrissy and Emily and for Yvette's situation too. I can't imagine how hard it is at times but I sure am lifting you all up in prayer. I love you Kim and your girls are so precious.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Angie said...

kim, it's heartbreaking that the reality our kids know is death of a baby sister. the questions you face are questions almost no one has to. yet i also know that our kids have gotten the blessing of seeing God do miracles in our families. it sure hasn't been easy, but what a testimony they will have as they grow up of God's faithfulness!

love you, and waiting with lots of excitement to see that baby!!!

Angie

Anxious AF said...

One of the first things my Noah said to me was "does this mean you wont come home for months" Since Alex was in the NICU so long, and we almost lost him. Our kids remember it all.
Thinking of you, I cant believe you only have 10 more weeks! it went by so fast for me...LOL

Unknown said...

Oh how precious and real, the concerns of adults playing out so plainly also in children!

Prayers for you and guiding your children through this very complex challenge. God works in children in very special ways.

And thank you for the lifting up of those with struggles.

Anonymous said...

After my friend's child said to me straight out of the blue "did your baby die?", just a month after Ciaran left us, I have said the world would be so much easier if we were all as honest as children. Maybe not easier, but...
I know that when I am pregnant again I will be always thinking what Allison has voiced, so innocently and factually.

Wishing you every prayer for a healthy 'take home' baby..

xxx

Just Me said...

You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing this. Those really are conversations that no "parenting book" would prepare you for. Very tough. It does sound like you are getting ready for the newest member of the Summons family. Can hardly wait to meet him/her :o) Thanks also for the prayers for basically all of us who have struggles and the reminder to bring them to God.

I'm definitely looking forward to seeing Mary Grace on Extreme Makeover Home Edition! Thanks for the info on that.

Take care,
Amanda

Corie said...

Well said...looking forward to seeing this new baby.

Kenzie said...

Love you Kim. I know we talked about this the other day and in some way I think that each of us that have a little one with Jesus have had to address this... with our children and in our own hearts, but it is ALWAYS SO HARD. You are doing such an awesome job through these hard discussions with your babies- God continues to give you great words of wisdom to share with them :) He is so faithful to walk with us through it all.

I love you and can't wait to see that new baby... not long now!

Love you and praying,
Kenz

connie said...

I am praying for you.

Emily said...

Amen and amen and amen. Girl, it both blesses me and pains me that we (our girls included) are walking such a similar path right now. God IS good and hope IS ours for the taking. I can't WAIT to see your sweet Mary Grace on TV and I can't WAIT to meet her little brother or sister!!! Can't wait. Love you!

read2kds said...

Jeremiah 17:7-8 is our women's ministry version for this spring! LOVE IT! Can't wait to hear about your new baby. Praying for you all as you prepare for the arrival!

Cathy said...

Hi Kim, I was glad when I saw an update. I can just hear those precious voices asking these innocent question. But God gave them a mommy with such Godly wisdom. I am so glad for our meeting and praying for a Houston visit when life is good for you. Praying for your pregnancy also.

Cathy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Oh Kim, I just saw your beautiful family on Extreme Makeover Home Edition. As soon as you came on, I started crying...wasn't expecting that to happen! I've never met you, but have been following your story and it was so special to see you and hear you on TV. Also amazing to hear the story of your wonderful photographer... praying for you!

Jenny said...

I just saw you on EHM. I got chills all over my body when I heard you speak and yet I didn't even look at the screen and knew it was you. When you said Mary Grace's name I immediately looked up and there you were! I immediately got on my computer to check your blog. I still think of you all the time. My heart still aches for you and the sadness you still must feel each day. You are a blessing to so many-thank you for sharing your sweet Mary Grace with all of us.

Stacey said...

I met you at the Deeper Still Conference in Atlanta last year and I just saw you on EHM!! I told my husband, "I met her and I read her blog!" It was awesome and I'm so glad to read that your family is doing well!

Angie said...

Kim, It was so amazing tonight!!!! You were practically the star, and you did great! And I loved seeing your girls too, looking right at home in front of the camera. it was such a wonderful show, and it put such an emphasis on the families she had helped. really incredible!

Grandma~rella said...

Out of the blue, I believe God led me to your blog this morning. I visit sweet Emily's blog quite often and always select one of her attached blogs from the side bar, to read and send prayers. Today, I selected Mary Grace. Then this evening, while watching EMHE, what a precious surprise to 'meet' your family and hear your voices, right in front of me! Yep~it was one of those many 'God things!' Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Mary Grace is a lucky little Angel, to have such a truly loving family. Many blessings on your soon to arrive little one~you'll all remain in my prayers! (((HUGS))) G'Ma Cindy

Krystal said...

How cool to see you on EMHE tonight. Thanks for the heads up so I'd pay attention to what I was watching (I always record the show but often race through it to save time). I pray that God will work in the lives of everyone who heard your story, as well as the Augustin's. Maybe what made it into the episode didn't touch on God like we wanted it to, but I believe that God will be working on those who did hear about Him during the taping and events of the week. Hugs!

Jackie said...

Saw you on Home Makeover last night.
You & your family are beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Followed your blog for a while, and finally got to "meet you" on Extreme Makeover last night. What a blessing! The show had me in tears and sobbing the whole time - your photographer friend and her family are simply amazing!

May God continue to show His face to your family as you prepare for your new addition.

I'm continuining to pray for you.

Blessings from Michigan,

Beth

my3sons said...

I just wanted to comment on the show last night. It was absolutely amazing! After they said "Move that Bus" I could barely see thru my tears! What a perfect family to have been given this opportunity. Your family is just precious and I recognized you right off! I have been following your blog for some time and often have prayed for your family.
Katie

Laurie in Ca. said...

Hi Kim,

I don't usually watch Extreme Home Makeover but watched last night and it was such a blessing to see this family being blessed. I loved seeing you and the family there too!!
I had chills the entire hour, knowing how much this lady has blessed so many through her gift. And all the families there who have been blessed by her was just amazing. I love you girl.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Anonymous said...

Saw ya'll on TV last night...you were great.

Anonymous said...

Hello Summons Family!!! :) :) Kim you all were fabulous last night...you will never know what an inspiration you are to me and thousands of others!!! Thank you for following Gods leading....I love you all and you are in my prayers!!!! Can't wait to see that precious little one on your next visit to KY!!! :) Love you!
Cindy

asplashofsunshine said...

I saw the episode today (thanks to my DVR)! What a wonderful family you have. And the photographer deserved everything she received. What a great woman! I did not know you were going to be on, although since I am a bloggy lurker, I knew your face and the photo that they showed of Mary Grace right away. I was in surprise that "I knew you". Ehh, that sounds odd, but you know what I mean. Take care!

Corie said...

You all looked awesome last night. What a great story.

Kim said...

I'm so excited that their is a precious baby being added to your family! I'll always remember reading your blog and praying for your sweet Mary Grace.

Kirsten said...

Thank you so much checking in on us. You are so sweet! I finally posted something in 2009. ;o)

We missed the airing of Extreme Makeover Home Edition - but watched it online. Amazing!! We cried and cried. You looked wonderful and to see you, your girls and your family talk about Mary Grace was such a blessing. Now even more people get to meet precious Mary Grace! I love it.

I hope you are doing well. You are in my prayers regularly even though I don't get to check in as frequently as I like. Hugs and love to you, Sweet Friend!

Blessings,
Kirsten

Cathy said...

Kim, Just stopping by to check in. Please give the girls a hug from Annabel and tell them as Annabel slept last night, she snuggled with her platapus. She loves to rub her fingers up and down his back. It is such a reminder of your girls sweetness. Please let us know how you are doing and if you have any specific prayer request at this time.

Dyane said...

Thanks you so much for your post. We are going through exactly what you went through, just a year behind. We lost our daughter Adeline to Trisomy 18, Jan.23/09. We have 2 girls who still ask about her, trying to understand everything. We talk about 'next time we have a baby' and have the same type of conversations with our daughter that you have. It's tough on them. Thanks for your blog.

-Dyane

Anonymous said...

I havent seen a post from you in a while and pray that you are doing great! Its funny how attached you can get to a family that you dont even know- It was definately a God thing me getting linked to your blog:) Know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and that new baby!! Cant wait to see pics of the new Summons babyyyyyyy! Praying for you always