Feeling Sad Too

I have just read a friend's blog and she simply titled it "feeling sad". I can so relate. I have been wanting to come here with something uplifting, profound and encouraging but this week I got nothin'. I always feel the pressure of wanting to give God nothing but praise through Mary's blog but this week, I have had a hard week, a week of feeling very sad. It's been one of those weeks where I simply ask God when I get out of bed, just to help me take care of my girls...and He has helped me do that. I can't imagine not having Him. With Him all things are possible and without Him there is no hope, there is nothing worth while.

Wednesday and today have been especially hard. Why? Don't know. Just days where I feel the weight of not having Mary Grace with us. Wednesday afternoon the girls were at a friend's house and I stayed in the bed. When she walked them home it was hard for me to hide that I had had a hard afternoon. Usually I am really good and putting the smile on but not this day. Kailey asked what was wrong , I told her I had a head ache, which was true. She asked if I had been crying I said yes. She said "Mommy do you have a head ache and a heart ache?" I simply said yes. That's it, as simple as that...a head ache and a heart ache, a really sad day. My sweet Kailey went on to say, "let's put on some Toby Mac, he will help you get in a good mood". She is right...we love us some Toby Mac!

I had to do the kids program that night at church and I wondered how in the world I would do it, I prayed that God would just get me through it. It was a really fun night with the kids and He once again gave me the energy that I could not have gotten on my own. This is yet another reminder, God is with us, He wants to help us and when we simply ask, when we simply rely on Him cause we got nothing in us to do it on our own.....He fills us up, He answers our crys.

Today while feeling the sadness I thought of this song we often sing in church, a song that never leaves me with any more tears to cry. But this I feel is my song, this is my heart's desire and I pray if you are in the pit today, the lyrics will bring you encouragement. This song speaks truth, He is there with us in all times!!

Verse 1
GOD IN MY LIVING
THERE IN MY BREATHING
GOD IN MY WAKING
GOD IN MY SLEEPING
GOD IN MY RESTING
THERE IN MY WORKING
GOD IN MY THINKING
GOD IN MY SPEAKING
Chorus
BE MY EVERYTHING
BE MY EVERYTHING
BE MY EVERYTHING
BE MY EVERYTHING
VERSE 2:
GOD IN MY HOPING
THERE IN MY DREAMING
GOD IN MY WATCHING
GOD IN MY WAITING
GOD IN MY LAUGHING
THERE IN MY WEEPING
GOD IN MY HURTING
GOD IN MY HEALING
BRIDGE:
CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME THE HOPE OF GLORY
YOU ARE EVERYTHING
CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME THE HOPE OF GLORY
BE MY EVERYTHING

New Kenzie update

Kenzie is back in the hospital due to some bleeding. Baby Faith looks great but they are obviously wanting to check some things out so she will be in there a little bit. Please continue to pray. Her blog is up and running again so you can check on her there for updates. thestanfieldjourney.blogspot.com
Thanks for your faithfulness!

8 months since I held my sweet Mary Grace

I can't believe it's been eight months since I held my precious 3 lb 15oz baby girl. Yet, it seems like a life time ago. I know I haven't posted an update about how I am doing and am really not quite with it tonight to do so, but I wanted you to remember my baby girl with me today. I still have my really hard days but to be honest, they feel good to me at times. Good to feel the realness of Mary Grace and her presence in my life, if that even makes sense. Thursday was particularly hard, not sure why, it wasn't a Monday - or the 14th which are the "typical" hard days, but I cried harder than I had in months and it was a relief actually - except for the major headache that followed:)

Let me just say that through it all - through the heart ache, the tears, the empty arms that literally ache, the heaviness of it all.....God is here. God is with us every step of the way. He is still good and I am grateful every minute of every day that He chose such a person as me to be that precious girl's Mommy. Mary Grace is perfect and when we sang this hymn in church this morning.......I am reminded that I long for Heaven even more......and I know He knows my heart, it's not just to see Jesus, Grandma Hazlett, Grandma Allen, Papaw or Grandpa Sisldorf or the others I've longed to see.....it is to see my Mary Grace, I will run to her first and I know He will understand.

When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
'twill be my joy through the ages
to sing of his love for me.

How marvelous how wonderful
and my song shall ever be
How marvelous how wonderful
is my Savior's love for me

I got a response from Kenzie today. She is safe, she is at home with family and is doing well. She had a hard day of contractions yesterday but hardly any today! Keep on praying like I know you will. God is our refuge and strength, our very help!!!

9/10 Update on Kenzie

*****Since Kenzie's blog isn't up and running - I thought some of you would like to send her a message. She gave me permission to share her e-mail address and I know she would love to know you are thinking of her:) I am sure she misses the comments on her blog - some days it's the only thing that keeps us going......
Her e-mail is: Kenzie.stanfield@yahoo.com

Hi Everyone,


Here is the text I just received from Kenzie:

"Yeah!! Working on discharge papers now. Faith had one decel last night but no noticeable pattern. She looks good & I'll go to an office appointment on Monday. Thx 4 Prayer"

PRAISE JESUS!!!

"Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God: I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

New Update on Kenzie and Baby Faith

**Praise Report - Kenzie said she is going to be able to get copies of all her blog. I am not sure when/if her blog will be restored but at least we know she has that.
She said that she is having some more/new contractions....keep praying!!

Hi Friends,
I know everyone is so concerned about Kenzie and Baby Faith especially since her Blog page is out of commissioin. So when I spoke to Kenzie today she asked that I give everyone an update.

First - Kenzie's contractions are stable right now, the medication seems to be keeping things under control for the most part. She thought she may get to go home today but the Doctor told her that they had noticed Faith's heart rate being low a few times during the last few nights. He mentioned that it probably isn't anything but that with her history he wanted to keep her a few more days. I am so glad they are being cautious with her and sweet Faith. Continue to pray for the contractions to be under control and for Faith's heart rate to be okay. Faith Clare seems to continue to be strong, praise Jesus!

Kenzie is not sure what is going on with her blog, but it has been shut down as well as her face book and two e-mail accounts. She is obviously very upset about this and is hoping and praying that their is a history of her blog or record that they can retreive. Please pray about this, I know it's not near the scale of everything else that is going on with her and Faith, but it's 1 1/2 years of Kenzie's heart and soul of her journey with precious Maddox. Pray that the company can get her blog page back and have the history with it.

She is so grateful for everyone's thoughts, prayers, calls and messages. Her Mom is on her way today so I know that will be good for her, Deacon and Dusty.

I will keep you posted as I hear anything else. God bless you all for being so faithful in your prayers for all of us and our families.

Update on Kenzie and Baby Faith Clare

I just got a text from Kenzie that they are trying to regulate her medication to stop the contractions. When they give her the amount that stops the contractions she feels really bad so when they back off a little the contractions start up. So they are trying to work it out. She will be in the hospital for several days it seems, which I am actually glad about so they can keep a close eye on that sweet baby. Please continuing praying for Kenzie and precious Faith.

Please pray for Kenzie and Baby Faith Clare

Hi Friends,
As you know, one of the sweetest girls I have met through this trisomy 18 journey is Kenzie Stanfield - Maddox's sweet mommy. From the moment I met her we had a connection, not just because our baby angels are in Heaven, but because of our hearts. It's hard to explain the connection but I feel like she has been a part of my whole life and I have only spent time with her face to face twice. We will be life long friends I know. I remember so many details of her and sweet Maddox's journey as me and Mary Grace went through ours. Sweet,beautiful and heart breaking details.

When I met her in Austin in May to talk about our sweet angels, she had a little belly growing already with a new miracle little girl. Since then I have prayed for this sweet baby and for Kenzie, that she would have peace about this pregnancy and enjoy every minute of it.

I received a text message from her last night saying that she went to the Dr. and he admitted her into the hospital because she was in preterm labor at 26 weeks. I immediately began to pray and while waking up in the middle of the night twice immediately prayed. I got an update from her this morning and contractions have slowed down, she will be on bed rest and hopefully will get to go home tomorrow. I have such a peace about this but ask that you pray for Kenzie and Faith as they go through the rest of this pregnancy. I ask that God keeps that baby in her mommy's belly so that she will continue to grow and be knit together perfectly! Pray for peace and comfort for Kenzie as bed rest is not easy with another little boy in the house.

God's plan is perfect, I believe it and I will hold tight to it.

"God's peace...is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:7