Not only is today the 14th and marks exactly 3 months since we kissed our sweet Mary Grace and then said goodbye, but it's a Monday which is the DAY she was born. The 14th of the month is hard, Mondays are hard, but both in one day is pretty yuck. I thought about it a lot this weekend and knew today I would stay busy and I did. But every non-focused thought turned to my sweet Mary Grace. I have to tell you however, that is not a bad thing. In fact when I have a day that is so busy and she doesn't cross my mind as much, at the end of that day I feel more sad. I love to think of her, I love to talk about her and when I got home today and had one e-mail that was titled "3 months" and the message simply said that I was being prayed for and thought about today.....well it made my day. That maybe I was not the only one on earth that realized today's significance - it really meant a lot. Now...if you saw me today and didn't remember or mention anything...do not feel bad, that is not what I intend and I understand that I live with this every minute of every day and do not expect the same from you...in fact I didn't even realize myself how much it would mean until I opened up my e-mail. It did however help me to realize even more, that it feels extremely good when someone does remember and acknowledge and talk about Mary Grace, so don't be scared, it makes me happy not sad.
I went on a field trip with Kailey today to the Dallas World Aquarium and it was hectic and a little crazy but fun. But as busy and crazy as it was almost every other thought was of Mary Grace. How she would be 3 months old today and that I should not have been able to be a chaperon. How I should be pushing her around in a stroller while trying to enjoy Kailey's day too. How I should be scrambling for a private place to feed my sweet girl. How everyone should look at me and talk about how precious the new baby is, how she has Kailey's eyes and Allison's nose....and then look at me and realize SHE is why I am 30 lbs over weight (well not all her fault!!) and my hair is thinning. AAAHHH it just hurts....... but you know....God is sustaining me. Even with the hurt and despair, I am able to walk, smile and even enjoy Kailey/life for the day. You know most people might even think that I am doing really good. Praise Jesus for that because I was really scared of the aftermath of this... and it's been doable.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you....For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior," Is. 43:2a-3a
Thank you for all your continued thoughts, prayers and comments. My sweet family, friends,even stranger's support and first and foremost, my Loving Savior Jesus Christ, is keeping me from drowning.....
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17 comments:
Thinking of you and your family on this day. We will continue to pray for you.
Love,
Ashley Webb
Kim,
Good evening sweet friend! I thought of you today when I realized it was the 14th, it's just something we remember isn't it? I always think of Angie, Kenzie and you on "the day" that was your precious babies' birthday! The 3rd, the 27th and Sundays are my hardest days so I completely understand, even when we're busy - we still don't forget. We've been changed by a love we received from the Lord through our precious babies.
I hope you have a good night sleep and know I'm praying for you every day.
Love, Yvette
www.tristanasher.blogspot.com
Your family is precious...all FIVE of you! I just found you through the Savages page. I love Isaiah 43...just sang it in church on Sunday! Many blessings to you.
Hi Kim,
The 14th was on my mind this morning and I couldn't figure out why, and now I remember. I check in on you every day to see how you are. It blesses me to read you say that it is doable with Jesus by your side. Mary Grace is imprinted on my heart with Copeland, Poppy, Tristan, Eva, Maddox, Happy Asher, Madeline, Jonathan, the list goes on. I pray for all of you dear moms who are walking this road and ask the Lord to give you Hope and Joy in the midst of it. Mary will never be forgotten by me. Take care sweet friend, you are loved.
Laurie in Ca.
Three sweet months since our girls met, there in the presence of our Jesus. I love the hope I hear in your voice and I praise God for that. Every single solitary move in the upward direction is one to praise God for. It sounds like today was a good day and perfectly seasoned with sweet memories of your gorgeous little girl with the perfect nose. I'm so sorry you know this pain, this emptiness, this strange feeling of being a mother of a new baby with no new baby in sight. If it makes you feel any better, I'm sporting more weight now than at any point since the first few weeks after we lost Miller Grace. I will pray for you if you'll pray for me, as we strive to turn to God and not the pantry?! He's big enough. Our girls are amazing enough. His plan is perfect and He will complete this work He has begun in us.
Love you & all three of your girls. :)
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me."
Philippians 1:3-7
Thinking of you and Mary Grace this late night...praying too!
God Bless you and your family. Mary Grace is an Angel with God ! Always with you.
Hi Kim!
I just was thinking of Mary Grace today. I was looking through an Heirloom Roses catalog for a rose bush to plant in memory of Asher and came across one called Amazing Grace and thought of your sweet girl. I am not sure if you would be interested in seeing it, but if you go to www.heirloomroses.com you can look it up! I have an Isaac rose bush that I cherish. Thinking of you!
Love,
Kristy
I know what you mean--Mondays are hard because Monday was the last day that I can say with absolute certainty that Tabitha was alive--I remember sitting on the couch watching my belly shift all evening. Wednesdays are hard because that was the day we found out she was no longer alive. Thursdays are hard because that's the day she was born...and then the other days are all hard because I'm anticipating these days... :(
Hannah
We are praying for you. We are in this with you. May the Lord meet you where you are at. Don't hesitate to contact us.
Yours in Christ,
Jared and Kristin
I know I already posted once but here I am again! I cannot sleep! I will continue to pray for you Kim. I know you understand what it is like to have an easier time praying for others than you do for yourself at times like this. So, you continue in prayer for me and I will for you! God is good and He will bring us through this. Right now I just hurt so much it gave me encouragement to know you enjoyed your day. I hope I have those days just around the corner! I completely understand the day thing. I dread Fridays, I also dread the 20t and 22 of each month.
Love,
Kristy
Still thinking of you and will always remember the beautiful story of your Mary Grace (what a beautiful name).
Thank you for sharing-so great to hear from you.
Praying...
Thinking of you and praying for your family....
Kim-
Thank you so much for your sweet email... I can't tell you how much it has meant to continue to strengthen these relationships that we have formed, especially now since our babies have gone. I too thought of you on Monday... I've just been so disconnected.
I love you so much and am praying for this weekend!
Kenz
Hi Kim,
I am thinking about you and Mary Grace this morning and want you to know I continue to pray for you in this time. You are loved.
Laurie in Ca.
just had you on my heart today. praying for you.
Kim, Went to my church meeting tonight and a good friend came up and said she sat in tears today when she read your blog. She found it on the links on Annabel's site. I guess I hope when God calls Annabel home she will continue to touch peoples lives just as Mary Grace is doing. Praying here in Texas.
Cathy & Annabel
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