Remember.....

As many of you know and for those of you who do not, today, October 15th, is National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss. I ask that you join with me in praying for the millions of families who celebrate the blessing of the child or children they have lost (including miscarriage in any week of pregnancy).

I was talking to a friend yesterday who has also lost a precious girl to Trisomy 18 and has had a ectopic pregnancy. We talked about from the time we see the positive sign on a test stick or hear it from our Dr. for the first time, we are automatically in love with our baby growing inside of us, we are immediately Mothers with that love that God put within us. And whether we lose that child within weeks of hearing that news, or shortly after birth, or when they are 40 it is a loss like no other. I myself have had 2 miscarriages and the loss of Mary Grace after having her for only 7 short hours. They have each been a loss that will always be with me.

Today is not a day to mourn or be sad, today is a day to remember and to celebrate the sweet gifts that God chose to give us. We serve an amazing God who has a plan for each of us from the moment he knits us together in our Mother's womb. As I celebrate Mary Grace and my other two babies I never got to meet, I will also celebrate all the other babies I have had the pleasure to know and love without ever meeting them. I can thank my Mary Grace for so many things but especially for being the gift that brought these other babies and their Mommy's to me. May God bless your family today and always!

Psalm 139: 13-17: You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well we know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!

I also ask my faithful friends and prayer warriors to pray for my new blessing. I am 13 weeks pregnant with a new little someone!! I am so thankful for this new blessing in our family! However, I have had a really hard couple of months emotionally. I am not sure how to even explain how I have felt. I thought that if we were blessed with another baby whether through pregnancy or adoption I would start feeling so much better, to have a reason to celebrate and to look forward. And God answered our prayers!! But.....I have felt horrible physically with no energy and my emotions have been really low, I have missed Mary Grace even more and the thought of not ever getting to have her here with me on earth in my arms have been more than I can bare. This baby by no means was meant to replace Mary Grace and even the thoughts of that horrifies me, but now that I have this baby the thoughts of it not being her has been there and has weighed heavily on my heart. To even admit that hurts but I have to share the truth, my real feelings as hard as it may be. I know it's not been very long and hormones could be a big culprit so just pray that I will start to feel better and enjoy this pregnancy as it will be my last. For the first time I feel my age dear friends plus some!!
I do want to let you know that we got our test results back from the 12 week nuchal translucency screening and everything looks good with no indications of any problems so far, Praise Jesus!! That has made me feel a little better mentally. This is the blood work that began the questions with Mary Grace and it was confirmed at around 18weeks.
I can not express to all of my faithful friends how much it has meant to have you in my life, to come here and to know that you guys are are still checking on me and praying for me and my family. It has been, at times, the only thing that keeps me going as this grief road can feel pretty isolating. Thank you for your continued prayers and know that even though I may not be leaving you as many comments on your blogs, I check on you and pray for you and yours daily, you will always be in my heart!

Jeremiah 29:11 : "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you: Plans to give you a hope and a future."