Happy One Year Birtdhay Mary Grace

The same yesterday, today and forever. That's my God and that's my girl!! Mary Grace Summons blessed us with the most precious day in our lives. There is no denying the hurt, the emptiness, the sadness, the literal heart ache, the anguish that losing her has brought to us.....but more importantly there is no denying the Joy, the miracles, the happiness, the laughter, the praise, the pure love that she has brought into our lives. That is what we mostly focus on and when the negative comes creepin' in, God penetrates my heart in a way I can't explain and reminds me that everything that Mary Grace brought to us, is worth it all.

Yesterday I have to admit was weird. How do you do this? How do you celebrate a birthday of someone you love so deeply, one of your children that is no longer physically in your presence? It hurts, I wanted Mary Grace here and the whole "it's just not fair" was definitely there! And I had so many friends say "is there anything you need" but when it came right down to it.....God did provide everything I/we needed to enjoy the day. The day started off by me waking up to 2 little girls jumping in my bed saying "Mommy, they came again!!" Yes, my neighbors and friends had done the wishes and prayers tied to balloons again out in front of our home. Kailey and Allison was already excited for their little sisters birthday and honestly if it weren't for them, I would have just stayed in bed all day and felt sorry for myself. But it was as if Mary Grace was here and her birthday would be no different than anyone elses, well in fact a lot more special! So...we put on our warm clothes and headed outside and had a beautiful time of letting the balloons go up to Heaven. My sweet friend Melissa also had a breakfast platter out front with pink flowers, muffins, bagels, and fruit ready to eat. So...we read over all the cards and wishes as we ate our breakfast together. We cried and laughed and were overjoyed yet again with how God has blessed us with such wonderful friends around us. The thing that touched my heart the most is that Mary Grace is very much still there for everyone. Sometimes it feels like grief is all yours, it's so lonely and it hurts when you think...."hey stop....does anyone remember Mary Grace...life can't just GO ON!!". So yesterday's balloons and all the comments and e-mails I received was a reminder that, yes life does go on....but everyone is different because of my sweet 3rd daughter Mary Grace Summons. Oh God is so good to remind me of that!!

I had breakfast with Mary's photographer, lunch with friends and dinner with just us. We came home and watched the slide show and after the girls went to bed Chris and I watched the video of that day. And you know....we were reminded of the pure Joy of that day, not of the sadness. Yes...sadness for sure came the next day, but on January 14th, there was nothing but Joy, celebration, laughter.....and the video made that apparent. So...yesterday was weird but it was good, as good as it can be without her actually being here....what more could I have asked for.

I didn't really know how yesterday would play out and there are some little friends of Mary Grace's who love talking about her and including her in pretty much everything they can. I also knew that Kailey and Allison wanted a party for Mary Grace so this past Saturday we had Mary's birthday party. We made stepping stones for her garden that is a work in progress....we sent off balloon's, had cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday to Mary Grace. It was fun and the girls (and one boy!) loved it! Here are some pictures.....

I also know that several of you prayed for us during Christmas. It again had the things that make you sad like seeing all the "baby's first Christmas" stuff and knowing that there is a stocking on the mantel that will not be opened by Mary's little hands. But over all this Christmas was good. We included Mary Grace in everything and my husband out did himself on two gifts that were all about Mary Grace which was thrilling to me. One of the best gifts I have ever received in my life he gave me this year, it was a personalized photo album of Mary Grace, he had taken the time to do the pictures and write comments with each one. It is beautiful.

Please let me also share another miracle that happened because of Mary Grace's sweet life. You will see that the timing of it being December was such a God thing. From the beginning....The photographer that took Mary Grace's pictures the day she was born (over 1,100 of them) as well as the prenatal pictures has become a very good friend of mine. What she provided us, memories of every detail of Mary Grace, means the world to our family and is priceless. About 1 1/2 years before Mary Grace was born Amber lost her home in a flood. She had since been displaced from her home and her family was living in a town home while they were waiting for things to be settled with the state and insurance - it was taking forever. We had an opportunity this past July to be included in the nomination process for Extreme Makeover Home Edition for their family. We submitted a letter to try to convey what Amber meant to us and what she provided us with - a hard letter to write!! This year's theme for the show is "Hometown Heroes" and Amber is definitely ours! Well, after finding out that over 10,000 Texas families had applied I thought that would be where it ended. Then in October the applicants had been narrowed down to the top 20 and her family was in that number. The show contacted us and me, Kailey and Allison were interviewed by a producer who was going to pitch it to the show. Well....November she was in the top 5 and at this point I thought hey this could really happen for them (why I doubted my amazing God I will never know!!). Well here came December, I was in a down right negative state of mind. I didn't want to deal with December and Christmas without Mary Grace was doing everything I could to to put on my game face for my girls. I didn't want to send out Christmas cards that didn't include her so I decided it wouldn't happen this year! Well God showed me!! On December 5th Amber and her family got the famous "knock on the door" by none other than Ty from Extreme Makeover Home Edition ABC!!!! They flew her to an incredible vacation spot and built her a dream home in 5 days!! God not only provided them a home but he provided us excitement and joy that was all about Mary Grace for us. We got to be a part of the whole process and unless they edit us out will be on the show in some form or another. I can't give away show stuff but it will air March 1st, so tune in to see yet another thing that Mary Grace helped accomplish in her sweet, short and amazing 7 hours of existence!! One of the hard things about not having Mary Grace here is not being able to do things for her. We can go to Kailey's school and Allison's dance recitals but that is void in our lives for our Mary Grace. It was THRILLING to be able to be a part of this process that was all about and all because of our sweet girl!! Here is our Christmas picture that God and Mary Grace made happen for us....




Thank you for your continued prayers for our family. We feel them and appreciate them so much. I pray that you all have a blessed 2009!

In my Christmas letter I ended with this:

One thing I have learned, let us never put God in a box! If you need a home He will provide. If you need some joy in your heart, He will put it there. If you need something as simple as sharing your family at Christmas time to include your angel in Heaven, He will make a way!! We pray God will bless and keep each of you this coming year.

Ephesians 3:19-20 “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”

Remember Me?

Hi Friends,

Remember me? I know it's been too long since I actually gave an update on me so I thought while I had a few quiet moments this afternoon, I better take the opportunity. Thank you for all your e-mails and comments wondering how we are and letting me know that you are still there praying for and thinking of me! It means
so much.

First...the baby is doing great. We had our 20 week ultrasound this past Monday and things looked really good. It's funny how when you go through what we have that you don't even look forward to what you may see on the screen. The questions you ask the tech now is things like, are the feet okay and not club feet? Do the hands look okay? Do you see any fluid around the brain? Are the four chambers of the heart there? Kailey and Allison went with us and I had a fear of that because of what they could see, but everything looked great. And when the Dr. said the baby is growing well and everything looks healthy the girls were so happy. Allison said on our way home the other day "Mommy if this baby lives and gets to come home....." It's heart breaking but reality for them. I have always been so thankful for the 7 hours we had with Mary Grace as some don't get anything, but more and more I have imagined what it would have been like to have had a little bit more time with her, to be able to walk into the front door from the hospital with her and have Kailey and Allison smother her. And I am starting to feel more comfortable in day dreaming about getting to bring this baby home and what it will be like to actually do the room and have the bassinet in our room ready for the baby to be here in our house. And when I am in a store and I hear that "newborn" cry my heart skips a beat and I imagine being able to hear that this time, feeling like it will be such a welcome sound and hoping that I do not get frustrated with that sound when I can't get it to stop:) Mary Grace didn't cry like that, she whimpered and I long to hear that cry.

At about week 18 I started to feel human again...I was really worried that I would never come back to myself but I am having more and more days of feeling good. I do have to face that my age is playing a role that I may not be able to do anything about:)JK.. But for the most part I feel good. I still have those days where I don't know what to do with myself and I know that I am suppose to be chasing an 11 month old around and it makes me feel lost. And now that I am starting to feel this little one kick and squirm which makes it feel more real, I see that hope that is in my future. Yes...I am still scared to look forward in fear of disappointment but I usually can quickly feel God pulling me back into the reality of my faith in Him. I realize that if He can bless me with 3 beautiful girls and to love me enough to give me Mary Grace at all...then I know His plans for me are good. How do people survive without Him and the hope we have in Him? I can't imagine!

I have taken Angie's lead (Poppy's mom) in "taking back Christmas" this year which is really putting me in the spirit. We are serving the families of Ronald McDonald House dinner this month with my neighbors and friends. Taking goodies to the nursing home. Helping to host our 3rd annual Happy Birthday Jesus party which includes bringing gifts to the community storehouse. Shopping for an angel from Salvation Army and hopefully more......and I can't express how great it feels to give - so much better than to receive. So...I encourage you if you haven't already started to get on board, it's never too late.

With all the good and blessings in my life, it's still so hard to be without Mary Grace. I am having a hard time sending or even thinking of my Christmas cards this year. Pictures of the girls seem void of our 3rd girl and a family picture isn't complete - this year the cards just may not happen. When I start to think of it, my mind shuts it down because nothing seems to include all of us. So...I am struggling with that. I was in WalMart today looking at Christmas decorations and my heart breaks...it breaks to not have a picture of Mary Grace at 11 months to put in a new ornament for her on the tree. To even know our tree is safe of her baby hands pulling it down this year makes it hurt to look a the tree at times. And to realize I don't have to shop for her, my 3rd girl is so hard. I plan to give a toy in her name, but we know it's not even close to filling that void I am talking of. I wanted someone so bad to see the tears in my eyes and to know that my little girl had died. To know that my life is void of her and always will be. I still struggle answering the question of how many kids do you have? I always include Mary Grace but no matter how I state it "I have one in Heaven, or my 3rd little girl died, or 3 girls and nothing else - I walk away feeling so yucky like I never feel right about how I have said it. If any of you guys have a way of saying it that makes you feel okay, or if you have ways of including your baby in Heaven in your Christmas cards or how you sign your names..please let me know. Maybe something will click for me.

Let me tell you and I would shout it if I could....God is so good. Through the good times and the bad, He is still so good. Through my darkest days I have never been alone. He has blessed me beyond anything that I deserve or could ever deserve and I am thankful every day for everything. I said at Thanksgiving it's so hard to find the balance in being sad and questioning why we do not have Mary Grace with us and to feel that bitterness of being cheated, and then to have that feeling of overwhelming gratitude for all that God has blessed us with and continues to bless us with. It's even the feeling of trying to find that balance that I am thankful for because without it, I would have never had Mary Grace. She is worth being in this position and God knows I will see her again, she will always be mine.

I am still praying for you all my friends. Even if I am not blogging or e-mailing as often, there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of you and do not include you and everything going on in your life in my prayers. It's so wonderful to see the blessings that God is pouring on all of us. And if it's not as apparent in some of your lives, I have no doubt of God's good plan for you!! Jeremiah 29:11!!
My church is having a remembrance service Tuesday night. When I light the candle for Mary Grace I will be thinking of all you and your babies too - Mary Grace brought you to me and I am so thankful!
Thank you again for all your prayers....they are working...keep 'em coming!!

I wanted to share the picture of Mary Grace's head stone. I am so proud of it. It took 9 months but it was worth the wait. While in Kentucky at Thanksgiving we were able to see it since it has been placed. I know several of you have asked as it was something that had been bothering me. My sweet Uncle and Mom take care of it and it's such a comfort to know it is near my Grandma Hazlett. Love you all!

Faith Clare is on her way!!

I got out of church tonight and got a text from Kenzie. Her water broke and Faith is on her way!! I just got home and ran to the computer to get an update and they think the baby may be here by around 9:00. Check her blog for updates, I can hardly contain myself!! The power of prayer is so beautiful!! I can't wait to see Deacon and Maddox's baby sister!!
http://thestanfieldjourney.blogspot.com/

Faith Clare....

Hi Friends,
Kenzie is back in the hospital until sweet Faith Clare is in her arms. She is almost 35 weeks and little Faith seems to be at a good weight so they are going to just keep her in the hospital until she makes her grand entrance. They are hoping to keep her in her mommy's belly until at least 38 weeks but if anything should happen before then they will make a move.

Please check for updates on Kenzie's blog and keep her family in your prayers. It is very hard for her to be away from her honey and sweet Deacon. Dusty (Kenzie's husband) is pretty much taking on all the responsibilities of Deacon as well as his full time job and trying to see Kenzie as much as possible. They have really had to be patient and wait on the Lord and I know their reward will be great!!

Keep on praying for my sweet friend please.....

Eliot Mooney on Oprah again!!

Hi Friends,

I know some of you watched Oprah on Tuesday and watched the video life diary clip of Eliot Mooney (99 balloons). It brought tears to my eyes and I have watched it a thousand times before. The show received so many comments about this sweet boy that Oprah is having the family on the live show tomorrow (Friday 10/31) for follow up. I loved watching how Jesus was so prevalent in the video on the Oprah show!!

Please watch if you can tomorrow. I do not promote Oprah but this is a tremendous opportunity for Trisomy 18 and for any other Trisomy awareness, well really any prenatal fatal diagnosis. I also think the timing of Eloit's video being played on Oprah is no coincidence as the most important election of our life is coming to a close. I think it will show that these sweet babies ARE compatible with life and that abortion does not have to be the only option as it has been presented to many of us! Mary Grace's 7 hours in my arms was worth everything that our family has endured. I would relive it a thousand more times if I could have those 7 hours back again. The joy of Mary Grace and these sweet babies totally outweigh any of the heart ache.

I was so proud of the Mooney family and their miracle boy Eliot. I was so proud of Mary Grace and all the sweet babies that I have met that are now in Heaven together. I praise Jesus every day for the opportunities and relationships that Mary Grace has brought to me.

I also urge you to be in your knees for the upcoming election. God's will be done.

It is You who made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for You.

Jeremiah 32:17

As far as me, well thank you so much for all the prayers! I should have posted my good news way earlier because I do feel all your prayers. I am starting to feel a little better physically and am starting to have my sweet day dreams about this new little someone!! I have been scared and hesitant to let my mind and heart "go there" but God is directing them there anyway. He is so good all of the time!